When It Rains...

I appear to be having lots of experiences where I think I have everything stabilized,  but I'm not even fucking close.  Like proper fucked not close.  I'm not going to get into it here; not because no body is reading these, but because I don't want to increase the negativity.  Without someone proper to vent to, I'm just quickly turning to here to get it out of my head before I start over obsessing.  I can't do anything about it right now; and by the time I can do anything, there's little I can do to correct for this.  So, I'm just doing this to put it out of my mind.
But I will remark on how the relationship before made me quite cautious to share anything; and after it looked like the last one wouldn't end that badly, I thought there'd be no harm in sharing.  Well, folks; I was both painfully right and horribly wrong.  I'd vow that I won't make this mistake next time, but after my walk tonight I realized something far greater.  I may be alone and miserable without someone in my life right now, but if I do stick to plan and wait until my life is stable (in maybe six months) before I make myself available to date again... why the fuck would I do that?
I mean, my perception of stability is living within my means, being more physically active, and discovering or developing positive activities to fill my time.  If I can successfully do all of that, why would I break that up with someone that obviously is going to be temporary?  Yea, that thing above that I won't expand on has ended any desire I have to be with anyone.  It's exhausting and I don't feel like starting over again after that one fails.  No matter how long it lasts... this is not worth it.