Status update

It's been a while.  I know.  I mean, I still hope no one reads these.
So since my last posting, I have made great strides to the redefinition of my life.  I have accepted my current situation and decided that I must take actions to move on.  It started with seeking reconnection with online friends.  I kind of messed that up.  Then I deceided to follow the example of my wife's moving out of our bedroom and moved out of our bathroom  Yea, I share the bathroom with the cat.
That's okay though.  eventually, the cat and I will be sharing an apartment.  Yes, during the course of messing up a friendship, I have decided to take the advice of others and break out on my own.  A morbidly frighhtful thing really.  My last attempt resulted in a police visit as a respnse to a suicide note after a month of being alone.  Granted, I'll have Waffles with me.  And my ids will be there from time to time.  It won't be thirty days of isolation without a job and dwindling money on hand and waking up to a car reposessed by the separated wife a shut off bank account.  No, complete isolation isn't in store for me, so I think I might make it.
But there was a moment of panic and a desire to replace what I had with what I think I need.  Yea, that was the friend mistake.  She indicated that she reads everything I write, including these; even after I stoped publishing them.  So, to be honest, that is why I haven't shared in a while, and while this share lmost didn't happen for the same reasons, I feel I need to get weight off my heart.
Basically, I took an oportunity, in my head, to replace the comfort and content in my head by separating myself (at her wish) from one person and connecting with another.  Unfortunately, in my head and real life are two different things.  I am being reminded why I struggled so many years ago.  I am easily smitten.  I take any form of attention as affection.  Freindships with women have always been easy for me, but as soon as I interpret their intentons, I ruin the friendship.  That's a pattern.  A pattern I need to break.  Especially if I want friends during the next phase of my life.
I haven't even updated my relationship status on Facebook to reflect my current state.  Part of it is because I'm not truly seperated, yet.  Something made painfully clear in the firend screw up.
I want this friend.  I'll be honest.  I want her in my life.  I always have.  Timing just never was right.  And this time it was again not right.  In my mind, it was only a couple months off, but I was so much more off.  She cancelled an evening with me a couple/few weeks ago, and our conversations have been strained and scarce since then.  It has been noticed that we no longer have our Sunday morning breakfasts, and I am sad during every oportunity I have to spend with her that she declines.  I let my mind define what I felt, and I think that scared her off.  I mean, I'm still attached, so I can't be fully there for her until I am no longer here.  Well, actually, I fear that time will never happen.
It is probably best that I concentrate on me.  I'm sure it won't win her heart, but I don't think she wants me in her heart anyway.  At least not like that.  Just a friend.  Yep, that's come up again.