Broken

This was a rough week.  Lots of poor life choices coming back to haunt me.  I always thought I was a slave to the "what ifs" but I'm really a slave to my past choices.  I've realized I'm too old to be anything other than what I am now, and right now I'm broken.  This last year and been a gentle reminder that there are way too many people in my life that would rather keep their distance, and this week cemented that sad reality.
Prince died last week and that was sad.  Unfortunately that's not what made me super sad this week.  Since my personal life is what it is, I throw myself into my work, but even that is exhausting.  So here I am in desperate need of an outlet and I really have no desire to find one.  Heck, I'm already bored of doing this.
Maybe I just need a nap.  Tomorrow I need to focus and get stuff out of boxes and make this place more like a home.  A home for one, and a cat.  Sunday I'll have to spend on work.
I almost cried a few times on the way home tonight.  Primarily before of the above realization that this version of me is basically the final version, and I'm ready for the finality.  Prince is dead and that's sad, but Robin Williams is too.  The funniest man in my life was unable to overcome his sadness, and that scares me.  I'm not going to do anything, it's more of a welcoming of a natural event.  Like how people post that they wake up and thank God for blessing them with another day, and I'm all like "what did I do to piss him off that I'm still alive?"
Okay, that makes me laugh.  This helped.  See y'all tomorrow.