Twenty Things...

So, yesterday I mentioned an old article I read a couple years back.  "20 Things You Need To Stop Doing If You Want To Be Happy" (link).  My Facebook friends might have followed the link I shared there, but (under the assumption anyone I don't know is reading this) I also wanted to include it here.  If anything, for a reference of my dialog below.  You see, I've been a bit obsessive in my thoughts recently, so the rediscovery of this article at this particular time is a welcome thing for me.  The last month has been a bit harder to capture my inner happiness, and has reflected in my anxiety related to what I'm doing - anything I'm doing.  So, for the purposes of this entry, I'm going to list the twenty items and how I need to approach doing each one; or at least accept that I've failed at them.

1. Involving yourself in drama
I thought I was doing well on this one.  Finally moving out and truly being on my own, I reduced so much of the drama in my life.  And while I have in the last couple months been sucked back into extended family drama, I've tried very hard to limit my interaction with the poisonous ones. Unfortunately, I'm noticing that I'm highlighting/creating drama at work. I think I'm expressing my work-frustrations, but I'm really just gossiping and that's not healthy. This last week is realized what I was doing, and am focusing on changing  that this week.

2. Pursuing unrealistic expectations
I feel I've pretty much got this one, although my explanation reeks of low expectations. I've accepted that my life will probably be just me for a while, and I tell myself I'm okay with that. I know that I didn't settle in the last relationship, so I don't want to convince myself I'm not settling in the next one. As a bonus, the relationships I do want I've already deemed unrealistic, so I'm already ahead there.

3. Settling for less than what you really want
And that's the other part above. Work wise, I'm perfect. A bit stressed recently, but I'm sure that might be related to my personal life. I mean, without a friend to talk to at home, I talk to my friends at work. But as you saw with number one above, I don't have anyone to talk to about work. Yes, that was avoidance, damn you. Look, what I really want I can't have, and eventually I'll come to terms with that. Every now and then there's an inkling of hope, but I have to be mindful. Vigilant.

4. Always saying yes
This applies to some situations, and I'm working on it. Work, I always say I can do it. I don't want to let them down. They're are some people in my personal life where that's true too. I worry about coming off as an asshole, so I'm tapering off.

5. Always saying no
Sadly, that's to me. I always deny myself. I convince me to not and then I succeed in not. I have to fix that, but it's so broken.

6. Living in the past
But I was happy in the past, and my present is so pitiful. No, I get it. I'm working on it. Like any bad habit, I'm taking it one day at a time.

7. Comparing yourself to others
I'm so bad at this, especially when scrolling through my Facebook feeds. Happiness and success everywhere, and I have me. It makes me sad, but I know I need to stop. Either with the comparisons or Facebook in general.

8. Criticizing yourself
That'll be hard. Every day this last year has had opportunities to evaluate myself and how I can be better. This might be one of the last things I tackle.

9. Focusing on material possessions
I'm pretty good here. In my life, I've lost more than I ever had, so I never focused so much on that. I have what I need.

10. Putting other people first all the time
Other than my kids, cat and work; I don't really have other people. But I know when I do, I'll need to come back to this and take care of that.

11. Focusing on what you "should" do
I'm sorry, but this entry anyways made me think a young person wrote this. There's things at work and at home I should be doing. Even personal things I should be doing. I never understood of this was related to societal views or actual should items.

12. Attaching false meaning to situations and conversations
I'm very bad at this. So very bad. It is the core of my anxiety when dealing with people. Especially if I think they're not opening up to me. Then not only to I attach things to the conversation, but I'm attaching them to the motivation behind the conversation. It easier to just avoid getting into them, but I should probably keep this one in mind and work on it each time.

13. Waiting for inspiration/motivation/change
Guilty, and I have to stop it. I just have to power through and do what needs to be done. No more excuses.

14. Living in the future
I look forward to the future, mainly because financial planning says I'll start to be successful at that in the future. Facts are facts, and math is math. I have about a month or two until I no longer fret about making ends meet.

15. Falling for the "When I have X, I'll be happy" myth
Oh, yeah. I realized that about a month ago. Right before trying to convince myself that I'll be happy afterthe divorce. No, I need to start working on that happiness now, with what I have.

16. Depending on other people to make you happy
This too happened right along with 15. I can't wait for someone that makes me happy. And I can't wait for a version of me that makes me happy. I just have to jump right in.

17. Focusing on what you don't have, rather than what you do
It seems like it's repeating, but it's just as valid of an entry. Over the last month, I've all but stopped this. Other than finances, I'm working with what I have. Eventually I'll have a bed frame so my mattress isn't on the floor, and I'll have matching bedroom furniture. Eventually I'll have a couch that fits me and my needs. But until then, they are not things to focus on.

18. Focusing on what you're against, rather than what you're for
I wish this was the one thing everyone else did. I say that because I was so poisoned by this election cycle that I realized I was unhappy because of it. All these vile postings against the other side and then attacks when trying to illicit a conversation. It was painful, but it made me realize I shouldn't do it either.

19. Trying to be someone you're not
Seems like a catch 22. Who I'm not is what I want to be. Who I am is someone people don't want to be with, myself included. I'll work on being who I want to be, but I'll make sure I don't again  become someone I'm not.

20. Believing that happiness is a destination
No, but I'm hoping to make it a permanent state. Or at least an often achievable one.